"Get over it!!!!"

Entry #1: (It's gotta start somewhere right)

• "Get over it" (my personal fave for many years). 

I am mad at myself. I feel like I've put myself in the same situation. Instead of taking responsibility all this time, I've been trying help change his life. I thought because I was in a good place, that I could "help" him. This has caused resentment toward me. Sometimes, blame. it's a lonely place. But...


I tire of victim behavior. I learned this from my Mom. She would cry like a child- how would we pay rent? The dog died. My brother and I became old at a very young age. Once again, I tired of the victimhood. So as an good little daughter with alcoholic behavior diagnosed in the family- I became good. Good grades, made dinners for my single mom who worked as a bartender. I made others happy. Why not, I pretty much think I am a genuinely happy person.

"Get over it"...that's my expression.  Life is too damn short to feel sorry for yourself. A quick background of people dying in my life, watching family members with rolled up dollar bills-this could give me all the excuses I could to become an addict myself. And I started going down that road. I feel blessed that I'm just beginning to open my eyes. I know that isn't going to be for me. Nor will/would I be held down by such.

So...If you don't have a solution- I can probably figure one out for ya.

Wait - why aren't you doing things my way? You were complaining. Complaining is best fixed with action. Didn't you want me to fix this? No. Okay, then I need to know how you are going to fix it. (gotta make sure this is up to my standards, after all). Why does it bother me? Because I do care, and I'm tired of your unhappiness. Can't you see the situation I'm in. Suffering with and for you. I'm not happy here.

And now, I've lost part of myself. I want to blame, but when I figure out it's me that has made these decisions, I get so angry with myself. So now- it's taking me everything I have (or at least some effort- you have to be careful with those slippery words- everything, always, never, etc.) to not make rash decision, but to make a decision to find myself again- cause, I rock! I just get mad at myself for not being a hard rock. I guess I'm learning that I'm a human rock.

Best,